For your own sake, I’ve always wished that you’ll get over it as soon as you could. Because it always seemed unacceptable to put my own interest over another’s. Whether I wanted you to, is a question I’ve been trying to answer, but have never been able to.
But somewhere deep inside me, I know I’ve always hoped that things would work out – Even though I always knew that it was closer to the impossible, than the possible. And I’ve always known that the issue was more of me than you, contrary to what you would have thought.
It was letting go for a second time, but the presence of the first made it easier. Ironically, I never knew that a second time would come since I already made myself let go the very first time. Perhaps that’s the power of you.
I wish I could tell you this but I’ve always been afraid that showing you a side other than one that’s determined to say no, would give you more hopes and expectations that I’d never be able to fulfill.
As falsely noble as it sounds, I didn’t wish for you to be hurt right at the end. Perhaps that’s how much you matter to me. I don’t know. I realize, I actually don’t know a lot of things.
I’m glad you’ve gotten over it, really, because you deserve someone much better to spend your time on. But sometimes smiley faces aren’t exactly smiley faces, and sometimes, I wish it was in me to be selfish.
But I know what my decisions were anchored upon. As much as I questioned myself, from the very first time I said no, whether I would regret it, and the answer was always in the affirmative, I’ve come to realize that there are good regrets, and above all, I’ll trust in his perfect timing.
I really really hope that you’ll be happy.