On Love, God, and the intermediaries

I don’t exactly know how to start, and I do ask myself why I choose to be so open with this. I seldom bare my heart to large audiences. But perhaps, I know that those who read this are people I hold close. And while I don’t have the perfect, biblically accurate answer to many things, I hope these little thoughts of mine will build you up and affirm you in anyway it can.

I’ll structure this post a little differently, with the conclusion right at the top. It isn’t meant to teach anyone anything; It is meant as a sharing of how I truly feel about certain touchy issues, as I complete my final year as a teenager.

So yes, on Love.

Have I been in Love? Well yes. With the oceans and the stars, with the ballet barres and the strength I feel from my legs as I run, with the sound of the squash balls colliding into the walls at full speed, with the quietness in the pool when I take a long swim, with the life under the oceans when I dive, and with the God I worship.

With boys? No. I mean, I did come very very close to that form of love throughout my JC days and my first year in uni, but I’ve always stopped short of allowing it to develop.

But the point is, romantic love is but one kind of love out of the greater sphere of things – the sphere called God himself. This sphere that includes (and created) all the other kinds of love – for family and of passions. And yet, romantic love is the most dangerous form, because it has the highest tendency to point away from God, when all forms of love are meant to point back to God eventually.

So the question is, are you ready for romantic love, am I ready for such love?

My personal answer: No. Because I don’t know, and there isn’t a “yes” in a ” I don’t know”; there is a “no” in it though.

I’m not the inventor of this saying, but it does strike a chord within me – You aren’t ready to be attached until you’re ready to be single.

Tall order some may call it.

But being ready to be single doesn’t mean you’re willing to take a vow of celibacy. It just means that you’ve experienced all the other types of love in that sphere (or most of it) that you’re so thoroughly satisfied. Being satisfied does not mean that you no longer fantasize about your prince charming, but rather, that you stop craving it like a little girl going bonkers because she just wants that candy bar. You’re okay without that candy bar, because you know that there are much better things around that you can find (healthy) happiness from, that you can indulge in.

And how will you be so sure that the candy bar isn’t your only sole source of happiness ?

By getting to know, and experiencing the other forms of greater happiness.

Which essentially translate to finding your identity in Christ, and tasting the goodness that comes with it. Falling in love with God first, then men. Learning to love the things and people around you, instead of eagerly anticipating romantic love and a prince charming.

I’ve come to realize that I’m at my happiest only when I’m worshipping. And that inexplicable joy that comes from within far surpasses the joy that comes from good grades or entering law school. It is a rather different form of joy actually. It’s steady, warm, strong, and ready to burst out from within anytime.

And with that comes the certainty, that worshipping and loving my God, is the only way I experience such joy.

I’m not perfect, and I do experience that loneliness at times. I do question God why it is that all the other guys just didn’t seem right, why it is that I just couldn’t say yes to them, and why it is that a guy I was so strongly attracted to had to be a non-christian whom I had to reject. The latter stings till today.

But besides all the typical church preaching on how you should treat singleness as a time to nurture yourself into a woman of Christ (which is in all aspects very true and wise) as compared to treating it as a time of waiting, I’d encourage my sisters in Christ out there to go forth and experience all the other forms of love God has created for us to enjoy and indulge in. For God is love, and you’ll never be able to experience what true love is, until you fall in love with him, and see him in all the other forms of love you come to experience.

I still day dream of my prince charming sometimes, but I’m starting to realize why I just couldn’t say yes to anyone in the past. I’ve fallen so deeply in love with the things around me that I just don’t quite feel like letting go of this freedom right now. And it truly is God’s grace that he’s allowing me to bask in all the other forms of love thoroughly, before being distracted by romance.

You know the traffic light game they all place during uni orientations?

Mine’s green with a cross, whichever way you wish to orientate the cross.

People ask me how I’d know when it is the right time. And I say – I’ll just know, it’d be so obvious when it comes.



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